Over the years, I have always wished I could see the bigger picture of how my life would unfold. Despite having seen glimpses of time and the magnitude of what would transpire, I never did know or understand how all those life changes would come to be. There were also many days when I doubted I correctly saw those visions at all, leaving me ponder if there was even a sliver of truth behind the happenings. During this time, I would often get very discouraged with my own personal progress and would continuously seek comfort and clarity from my guides. To be honest, I did not always hear their words of wisdom. Sometimes, I could just feel my tension release, my heart calm, and my mind chatter become nothing more than a quiet hum in the background.
If I were to be truthful, there were also many times I would feel notably upset and frustrated. Not like a toddler throwing a temper tantrum (okay, maybe a few times), but more like a sigh of deep regret as I somehow came to the inner understanding and acceptance there was much more work to be done. In those moments, regardless of how tired or depleted my energy might have felt, I would somehow find the strength and inner courage to pull myself together and continue on, one step at a time.
I often think back to those moments and give thanks for not always hearing the background pep talks from above. If I had, I am very confident I would never have continued forward having known in advance just how long and hard the path would actually be.
Looking back over the last forty-seven years of my life, I imagine those background, higher conscious level conversations would have gone something like this…
Lauren, you will not fully awaken to see a glimpse of your own soul potential until you are 23 years of age. When you do, you will be scared, confused, and have no point of reference to compare the experience nor will you have anyone to discuss the ramifications with. Please remember, you most certainly did experience a healing with your mom, sent her compassion and love, while also giving her a soulful pep talk, much similar to the one you are receiving today. Please remember.
When you are 38 years of age, you will hear another distress call and respond in a similar fashion, learning in the process to stretch your intuitive muscle and healing potential. Despite this experience, there will be many more years of confusion and an overall lack of self-confidence in what you know. Others will question your sanity. You will too. Please remember you most certainly do have the capacity to change outcomes in this world with your kind thoughts and loving intentions.
When you are 39 years of age, you will no longer be able to pretend your spiritual experiences are not an important part of your life. You will gain understanding in the field, talk to your family, and eventually walk away from a twenty-year career to pursue the unknown. You will have two clients in your first year, less than a dozen in your second, and you will most certainly fear you have made the biggest mistake of your life. Friends and family will reiterate those same thoughts. You will feel scared, alone and very unsure how to proceed. Please remember you are always supported in following your heart’s calling and that your fears are unwarranted regardless of how deeply shaken you feel about the changes at hand.
In 2012 you will write your first book. It will be one of the hardest things you have ever accomplished, allowing yourself to speak up and start sharing your story. Some will appreciate the words you have written and be authentically inspired. Many will scoff at your experiences, while some will run away in fear. At one point, you will even witness your book being publicly criticized, leaving you disheartened while questioning your drive to continue forward. Please remember to always stay true to what you know.
In that same year you will begin to remember we have had many conversations ever since you were a child and you will even start to recall some of your life events yet to come. You will feel unworthy, overwhelmed, and notably lost. You will even attempt to give your role away on many occasions. No one will fully understand the scope of your life’s work and the large responsibility you feel bestowed upon your soul, nor will they realize how small and insignificant you perceive yourself to be. Please remember you are capable and worthy.
Just one year later, you will begin to stretch your family’s financial resources, comfort zones, and strong foundations in order to pursue your dreams. You will spend many years and hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to keep your vision and faith alive. It will be a long haul and uphill battle with many perceived losses in both financial resources and trust. You will come very close to breaking both your family and your faith. What you will gain during this time of transition is a backbone, as you learn how to stand up for yourself and your vision. You will also learn how to find balance and respect for your loved ones and their own courage and strength during these times of change. Please remember to always show compassion to yourself and all others.
At the cusp of summer solstice 2015, you will experience a most profound day deep within a valley. It will take days, months, and even years to fully comprehend the scope of what transpired with even more time to fully accept the magnitude of what unfolded. It will feel miraculous, raw and traumatic, leaving you in a state of confusion and emotional turmoil. During that time, you will confide in some, few will understand. Even fewer will believe in the significance of your day while others will chalk it up to your own misguided illusions of grandeur. Some will throw scriptures at you. Others will compete with or challenge your claims. Still others will dismiss the possibility of this honour being bestowed upon a woman let alone you. Many will eventually walk away, questioning your audacity to claim this truth. You will lose many friends and much of your confidence during this time. Please remember you do not need anyone to understand or believe in you. You need to start understanding and believing in yourself.
But you won’t, at least not yet. You will continue to push your path aside and believe in all others more than you will allow yourself to believe in your own teachings and soul potential, until one day true darkness shows its face and your world comes crumbling down. Ironically, it will also be the exact breaking point you need to make a life altering decision. Many months and tears later, you will eventually choose to speak up about what you know and have experienced. There will really be no other way for your soul to find peace until you do. That is the year you will write your second book and take your life back. Please remember it was always yours and could never actually be taken or given away.
The following few years, you will walk on eggshells waiting for the sky to fall. It won’t. You will nervously be on edge on any given day, waiting for the news to spread or the mockery to start. Instead, you will be met with silence. You will plan events to speak up about your experiences. Few will attend, even fewer will believe. You will try to push your agenda and learn it is not an agenda for which you can push nor do you even want to. Others will try to support and help bring your message forward. You will eventually come to the understanding it is not their message to promote or timeline to reveal. You will try to settle in and accept life as it is. All things will appear at a standstill, with your soul growth continuing in the background. You will swear up and down none of this is worth the heartache and emotional roller coaster, pledging to remain silent forever. You will stay true to that inner promise for a time.
In the year 2019, seven years after having written your first book on the wings and timeline of a publishing contest, you will have a dream. In that dream, you will be encouraged to enter your writing into another contest and are told it is officially time. You will recall the dream but adamantly refuse to put yourself or your family through anymore turmoil. As the day progresses, you will not only find the reference you heard in the visions, but you will discover the contest deadline to be that very day. You will sob, swear a little (okay, maybe a lot), recount the uphill battle you have already endured, as well as recite your pledge to remain in the shadows. You will argue that you are not ready, your family is not ready, the world is not ready, and that your heart simply cannot take it anymore. Eventually you will come to terms with the guidance received and muster up the courage to sit down and write. Regardless of the outcome, it will be through this exact writing process that you confidently realize perhaps you, your family, and the world are ready, some might just not know it yet, and for that gap in time you are eternally grateful. Please remember to cherish this sacred space of solitude. The timeline is already in motion, change is underway, and there is officially no turning back.
(excerpts from Mastering your SOULworks, to be released 2020)