I am going to attempt to explain the weird, emotional roller coaster I have endured this past year. Bear with me.
After my third book was published back on April 12, 2022, I felt so damn liberated. I’ve always professed to be a Messenger of Change, but this last book of mine brought more change to my own little world then initially anticipated. It felt as though my message had freed myself from the old narrative still lurking within the archives of our collective soul while allowing my individual voice to step forward.
On May 29 of that same year, I happened to turn 50 and personally declared it my Jubilee year. In all honesty, I was so damn grateful to have finally arrived at that particular milestone in time. It felt like a divine appointment within my personal and our global timeline. A reset opportunity to make peace with the past, move forward, and come back to a more soulful alignment held within.
Instead of full alignment however, what actually transpired felt more akin to a horrific grieving process which I’ll admit I repeatedly tried to both overcome and understand. An inner dialogue of confusion and questioning eventually prompted a blog post in October 2022 called The Ark and the Covenant. Within this particular article, I expressed my thoughts regarding the collective grieving process and auspicious times we live within as well as explained the reasons why. Technically, there are many people still mourning the changes at hand and that is okay. Although we are collectively moving through this change, individually we each have our own unique process and timeline to journey.
A few weeks later, I felt emotionally exhausted and disheartened. If I were symbolically playing on a larger, ancient chess board of life, I would compare this moment to officially being all out of moves. Except for perhaps just one. I was fully prepared to leave my life’s work behind and close the door here at SOULworks without even attempting to sell or renew my lease. The reasoning: not only was I incredibly tired, but more specifically I kept having visions of various people standing in my Sanctuary utilizing the space for their own life ambitions. And moment of truth here, my soul was quite willing to let them. If I’m being honest, I would have even been thankful and completely relieved if they had. For perhaps I declare myself to be a Messenger of Change, but maybe, just maybe I was simply destined to prepare the way for someone yet to come.
With this thought process clearly afoot, November arrived. Traditionally a time of hibernation, this month literally chased me out of a deep slumber, as I woke up early one morning and promptly started the process of renewing my lease. Without any intentions of going further down that particular rabbit hole, somehow through the process of divine intervention I managed to reclaim my original creation at the very last possible moment and resign my commitment to stay here yet again for a time. And although this new lease (perhaps even on my own life) felt a bit overwhelming, it did provide an additional 3.5 years within the safety and security of these sacred walls.
Sadly, only a few weeks later I began to grieve this particular decision of mine wishing instead I had decided to flee this place and just go home. My response: I started sending emails, privately letting many people know I was stepping aside and looking for someone who was willing to step forward and take on the responsibility here at SOULworks. I also halted a newly created podcast series deciding instead that I officially had nothing left to say or give.
In January 2023, I momentarily bounced back with newfound direction and optimism, depicted in yet another blog post, this one called New Beginnings. Basically, it occurred to me that I can’t actually let go of who I am. SOULworks is the accumulative whole of my own unique journey. More importantly, this should be a time of celebration and to come together as likeminded souls knowing full well, we have already accomplished so much transformation within this world and have slowly but surely begun a new era bursting with unlimited potential despite the larger timeline still in progress. This new perspective felt much lighter and I rode this particular wave for a few months with a revitalized spirit before falling into confusion and turmoil all over again. Still seeking a reprieve. Still struggling to find my footing. Still wanting to go home. Still looking for clarity on what my next move should be.
As of last week, I actually made my next move and officially put my business up for sale. This sacred space I had built and worked within for over ten years was officially prepared for just the right person to arrive and step forward. Letting go and surrendering my stronghold here within this physical location was a freedom fulfilling moment for myself, finally having completed the prophetic work required of my soul while fully realizing I owed nothing to anybody beyond taking care of my own family and personal well-being. Although this beautiful space held over ten years of personal memories, inner growth, and transformations that have certainly been an epic adventure, technically these walls don’t define who I am, nor did I need to be cocooned within them any longer. I had finally healed through my insecurities, outgrown my biggest fears, and was ready to just live my life. Exhilarated and full of momentum, I fully released this space into the abyss and called on the divine order of all things to bring the perfect buyer to the forefront. I was officially ready for change.
Which brings me to today’s article. Exactly one week after having placed my sacred space up for sale, I was browsing through a social media feed when I came across my very own posting. From this vantage point, I could see all the photos of my personal sanctuary and metaphysical oasis, then literally heard myself say “OMG I should buy this place. It would be the perfect home for my own SOULworks moving forward.”
To which I had to reply to that crazy lady always nattering within my brain, “OMG Lauren what the hell is your problem??!! This already is your place (you weirdo)!! You have been preparing this sacred space anticipating your own arrival all along. You are the one you have been waiting for.”
My takeaway from this crazy year of transformation is basically that I am officially home. Although I don’t need a sacred space to house my work here on earth, I certainly do enjoy being here. And I can only assume it will also be within these very walls that I somehow find the reprieve I am looking for and yet still continue to help myself and all others move into our collective new beginnings. As for the old ancient chess board still vying for my attention, well as it turns out I am not the one who is all out of moves; it is the original biblical narrative still playing in the background that is. Because this queen, well she just called CHECKMATE. And yes, I do realize that traditionally this role was expected to be played by a king 😉
Heads up darkness: on second thought, I think I’ll just stick around for a short while longer and see this whole divine plan thing through to completion. Nice try though.
To everybody else out there, please don’t forget the most important takeaway from this story of mine. In regards to your own personal journey, you are most certainly the one you have been waiting for. Welcome home.
All my love,