(This one is dedicated to all the women out there who have ever been silenced, lost their way, were made to feel small or insignificant, or who are struggling to still rise from the ashes. I see you. I believe in you. We’ve got this.)

I’m not even sure where to begin, but I do know it is time to reveal my full story from the past. I’ve known for a very long time now, that the last eleven years of my life have provided a mirrored version of biblical events as they unfolded, replicating past life experiences yet divinely orchestrated into present moment accounts in order to reveal critical aspects, new-found insights, as well as bring light to the shadows still lurking from within the depths of my soul. And not just any soul either. More specifically, the SOULworks and truths stemming from the traditional Jesus narrative. And although uncovering my past has been a very hard, uncomfortable quest, that has perhaps not always been well received along the way (by myself either btw). From my perspective and vantage point, those very same personal tribulations have also brought much clarity and closure to the authentic unfoldment of my past while helping heal and release from the very experiences that caused them in the first place (past and present timelines accounted for). Admittedly, I have struggled through my personal transformation to separate and distinguish between my obscure yet very intertwined past and present lives. Not always sure where the stories separate, with the timelines often blurring between what has already come to pass and what is yet to come, thereby also creating new opportunities for outcomes and reality alternatives well beyond any old repeating cycle forged within biblical text yet lingering between the lines of our collective historical conditioning of a very outdated story. I do know I am getting much closer to overcoming all displaced identities within my own biblical closet and officially crossing that finish line once and for all.

However, it occurred to me more recently, that I will never completely transcend that age-old story until I place the finishing touches on the unique puzzle that is my own SOULworks while revealing my personal truths from the past as I know them to be. Many of which I have alluded to within each of my three books yet never quite fully revealed. Not so much because I was hiding that awareness, more so because the truths had yet to completely surface, and simply because I was not quite ready for many of those aspects buried within my soul to officially arrive until much more recently (divine timing and all). As with anything I have ever written and revealed within this lifetime, rest assured, you need not even believe or follow me down this rabbit hole of my very sacred yet public transformation. Because at this point, I am not even speaking my truth in an effort to help heal or save the world from outdated doctrines and understandings. My work in that regard has already been accomplished through my published books. At this crossroads, I am speaking my truth only for the purpose of bringing my own peace of mind, so that all ghost-written stories within my personal biblical entanglement can finally be set free.

Here it goes….

Ever since I was a child, I have cried internally (and sometimes externally) whenever I heard the biblical story of Mother Mary and her baby Jesus lying in the manger. And not tears of joy as one would expect or anticipate as per the narrative and cultural interpretations found within scripture. I’m talking tears of grief, sorrow, and longing well beyond what any adolescent intellect raised within the Christian community could ever comprehend. At one point in my childhood, I even had what others may consider the privilege of playing the role of Mother Mary within a very traditional church Christmas pageant. As part of the setting ensemble, photos were taken ahead of time with yours truly playing the role of a very pregnant Mother Mary riding an actual donkey into town, while shortly thereafter holding a beautifully bundled baby in a manger. And although everyone involved in the pageant production bustled around in excitement and seemingly very well versed within the order of said biblical events captured in time. Truthfully, I cried intermittently all day long trying to understand a deep, unresolved sorrow rising from within. The only obvious truth to me and my ten-year-old self at the time was that I never wanted to play any role within the biblical narrative, nor could I pretend any longer that it was a joyful moment in our collective history, especially my own.

So, you see my involvement and reactions to the biblical era are not some new obscure awareness stemming from a rise in the new age movement nor could my reactions be likened to a personal pursuit of self-empowerment. I literally arrived onto the scene at birth with a pre-existing juxtapose of reactions and inner dialogue, which has undisputedly gained momentum my entire life, forged specifically against a very inaccurate story told and still supported by the church, its followers, as well as the arbitrary accounts found within the New Testament. A testament that in reality is no more than a falsified ghost-written story derived from a borrowed version to an authentic truth. Mine.

Years ago, and certainly much before my tribulations of biblical entanglement officially began to surface, I was told very specifically by my guides that I represented the authentic story of Mary Magdalene, Mother Mary, and Jesus; essentially, I came prepackaged into this world as a three in one deal (and yet seemingly not because of some value pack of a holy trinity housed within btw). Upon hearing this absurdity of three lives compiled into one, I did what any sane person would do at the time and dismissed the outrageous accounts immediately without even a second thought beyond what type of an ego driven arrogant soul would ever self-identify as representing all three main characters from the biblical narrative. I mean seriously, what the hell was wrong with me? Consequently, I successfully stashed that knowing further down into the depths of my soul trying to dismiss the guidance heard all together and certainly years before the unfoldment of my SOULworks publicly began (and more like a prequel to the trilogy of my written accounts one might say).

All but forgotten and years after my day in the valley, a strange occurrence started to unfold while undergoing various energy healing techniques in my exasperated attempts to transcend the past. Basically, I started to realize that whenever healing work was directed towards my right arm, visions coupled with the agony felt by the traditional Jesus figure held captive on the cross came flooding in. Interestingly, I also experienced this particular scene from two separate vantage points. One from the body actually being tortured on the cross, and the other from the vantage point of the heavens, but more so like an out of body experience yet still connected to the earthly suffering. Or perhaps even better described as a disconnected, fragmented soul untethered in time. I worked through that unparalleled pain for many years, aiming to heal from whatever part I may have played as a segue to the biblical story yet not always clear where I officially stood. In fact, after all these years I’ve always pondered how my soul could hold so much confusion on what sandals I wore, despite many clear visions of having been crucified.

Adding to the confusion and around the same time, I discovered that within my left arm was the opposing scenario. From this vantage point, I saw visions of being at the foot of the cross while grieving beyond belief as I clenched dearly to a limp body still warm but lifeless within my arms. A body that would continuously morph between a grown man and an infant child. Let me say that again, visions of a crucified body that would morph between a grown man and an infant child. A child not only depicted as a symbolic lamb by the way, but more so as the appalling reality alternative of an actual slain one. Of course, my mind always filled in the blanks assuming it was my own confusion mounting as to which ‘Mary’ I felt more connected to. Mother Mary grieving the loss of her grown child. Or Mary Magdalene, grieving the loss of what appeared to be morphing versions between her husband and connections to her unborn child. And since there are so many damn Mary’s within biblical text, each being depicted in far vastly different ways, let me identify the two key players within this biblical saga for you, otherwise known as the two women of the apocalypse. In one corner we have the loving virgin mother having birthed a savior (or at least that is how the story has been told) and in the far opposing corner and very much tarnished by the biblical era we have the prostitute type figure of a barren woman whose slain child was never born (although still fighting against the age-old stories of the church narrative btw). In case you have yet to understand the two versions that surface within my own energy field and cellular memories embedded within, here is the same narrative depicted from another vantage point. The two women of the apocalypse are one in the same yet depicted as two separate people within the biblical story depending on who you are listening to. One a forgery otherwise known as Mother Mary (or as the story was traditionally told) versus Mary Magdalene (the authentic mother whose story has yet to be heard).

I’m sure by now, you are muttering to yourself, this is not new information Lauren. The world has been alluding to the authentic story of Mary Magdalene, Yeshua and their family for quite some time now. And certainly, I do and have always concurred. However, as it turns out, the well runs very deep within the depths of my SOULworks, if one dares to delve into the layers of the historical lineage held within.

Over the course of the past seven years, I have done just that. Delved into the depths of my soul with far more inner work completed then you could even fathom, still trying to break free yet still tethered to the old narrative (and not by choice as many have alluded to over the years btw, but more shockingly because elements of those same scriptures were written for, about, and even against me all along). In fact, I’ve said many times over that I represent both the Mary and Jesus story. I’ve also said many times over that I physically embody both spirits held within. I’ve proposed on many occasions my story was altered. What I never knew, and perhaps couldn’t bear witness to remember until more recently, was that my spirit held the key to a sealed vault deep inside my own SOULworks that protected the ultimate secret still housed within. The more healing work I did the more drastic and shocking the visions became. Until one day, when I removed all ghost-written stories of the biblical narrative, removed my own expectations of what it all meant, and silenced my own mind if only just for a moment in time, my soul officially broke free. It was in that moment of higher truth my authentic story came bursting through like a well of sorrows and a suffering woman in travail. A pregnant woman in fact, hung on the cross for the abomination of having claimed to be birthing the messiah while subsequently losing her child in the process. A child who was never laid to rest in a manger by the way, but instead laid to rest in a tomb. And not having understood the entire process completely at the time even herself, that same grieving mother who in the throws of such trauma, insisted she heard and saw the risen messiah yet again and as she had already been doing for the entire duration of her pregnancy and SOULworks – by connecting to a powerful yet disconnected, fragmented aspect of her own soul all along (which also happens to be how it looks and feels to witness an untimely, unsanctioned, not even close to divinely orchestrated death, btw).

That same woman from the past (for arguments sake, let’s just call her Mother Mary of Magdala), having first had visions similar to my current yet paralleled life unfoldment (connected to the prophecies, here to deliver a message of change, bringing new understandings to transcend biblical text, even having first taught and spoken about those events for years within the local community). A woman independently claiming her role in changing the Old Testament narrative (and yet the audacity of that same harlot who couldn’t have possibly filled those shoes – said the locals and admittedly even herself for a time). Simply because this same woman by this very specific point in her life, was already married to one said Joseph (of Arimathea) and already had two children (all absolutely amazing souls btw). So, despite her own convictions, she was certainly not even close to fulfilling the essential prerequisites required of a pure soul capable of delivering such a sacred mission (only as per original interpretations of biblical context of course).

Now here is where the plot twist begins to veer from the past storyline to the present one with elapsed remembering helping to create an alternative reality to those very same ancestral patterns a second time around. Mother Mary of Magdala being pregnant with her third child (my having felt I was to birth one yet delivered the enlightened version of my own SOULworks instead). Both ostracized within the community for the abomination of claiming such a role (and yet adamant they were living out prophecy while bringing new teachings to the world). One, having lost her child while pregnant on the cross, leaving her in absolute desolations. Later escaping with her family to live their lives beyond the Old Testament and what could be salvaged of their broken hearts. The other, having just birthed the entirety of her own SOULworks yet rejected by the community, leaving herself and her sanctuary in absolute desolations. Yet still craving to escape with her family to live their lives beyond the entire compilation of the biblical era and what could be salvaged of their broken hearts. Both, at a crossroads. Both women being the messenger even if it took them years to stop displacing that responsibility on anyone beyond themselves simply out of the ingrained context of old scriptures and the collective expectations about this time. Both who believed the role was better suited to a man, or child, or even another woman for that matter (while society often concurred). One whose story from the past was forever altered and forged into a falsified story originally depicting her child having died for her sins. Later and ironically becoming incorporated into church doctrines and further distorted into having been a grown man dying for the sins of all others (although the gap between infancy and manhood still remaining unaccounted for even within biblical scriptures btw). And although a shocking tale (past and present accounted for), the blessing is that her story can never be changed or altered or forged ever again. Because no matter what happens from this moment forward or how long it takes the world to recognize the higher truth rising from the ashes of her biblical entanglement, thankfully the authentic story was and has always been forever written in the stars, set into motion through the divine timing of all things, while safely embedded into the archives of her very unique, authentic SOULworks just waiting to be found.

A jumble of confusion and perhaps quite the historical legacy to be written out of my own story for sure, but most assuredly the authentic truth hiding behind the shadows of all misconceptions and expectations regarding this era of time. And if you think that what I am suggesting is THE ultimate abomination to all things holy, you best think again and very carefully consider the more significant historical impact of a slain yet worshipped figure of a distorted truth, depicted as a required sacrifice for the sins of all others, while still professed to symbolize the ultimate message of a loving God. Now that, is the ultimate abomination of all things holy.

And despite the reactions that may arise from this post (now and for years to come), it is most certainly well beyond time for society to move past the old misconceptions of the biblical narrative while individually and globally taking responsibility for our genuine divine essence held within. We are all here at this time learning to embody the potential of our own unique SOULworks with as much grace, unconditional love, and authentic forgiveness as we can individually and collectively muster. Me too. And if that particular transcendence happens to require the complete eradication and ending of the entire biblical era to finally arrive at our collective destination of enlightenment, then so be it. That old narrative has officially run its course well beyond its perceived falsified authority, and regardless of how long it takes the entire world to fully process and come to terms with the magnitude of our epic biblical ending to new beginnings.

And so it officially ends. And so it officially begins.

Upon arrival of our predestined crossroads, I further extend my teachings and guidance through the archives of my already published books, blog, and original podcast series as an open-ended invitation to our collective new beginnings. If ever you find yourself seeking higher truth or divine closure from the biblical era, I encourage you to open the pages to my authentic SOULworks. That is where you will find me. And perhaps in doing so, you will also fully awaken to your own soul potential and officially set yourself free.
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Until then and for anyone who asks in the interim, just tell them I am coming home.

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With all my love and gratitude,

Lauren Heistad

p.s. Thank you to my dear family, close friends, and even closest of frenemies who have most certainly impacted and helped me arrive at this very particular moment in time. I am forever grateful for your kind souls and loving support regardless of how, when, or for how long our paths did cross. A special thank you to Lana Kraft whose energy healing helped unearth the last piece to my own puzzle buried deep within, simply by being willing to hold space without a preconceived agenda or opinion on what I personally was working to heal and transcend from. So appreciated.

Puzzle artwork credit to Eurographics Puzzles, Fine Art Collection Leonardo da Vinci, The Last Supper. For myself, working on puzzles has provided the most therapeutic meditative tool I have ever utilized over the years. It has significantly helped calm my mind, assisted with working through and processing difficult concepts, as well as provided the perfect reminder to tackle change and uncertainty one piece at a time. Thank you for helping me rise to the occasion.

Lastly, and with all due respect, please do not reach out and claim to be an integral part of my personal story from the past. My current life unfoldment has already been an exact replica to the authentic biblical narrative, divinely synchronized to help myself and all those most closely involved heal from the past while transcending the old story, of which I can wholeheartedly say I have at long last accomplished and overcome. Through that same healing process, I can also confirm we are all and have always been equal co-contributors to the unfoldment of our collective past (biblical or otherwise), hold the potential to gain valuable life lessons along the way (upon our own freewill, of course), and are always divinely guided to forge new pathways of greater understanding and outcomes moving forward (thanks be). Please leave it at that, depart from any and all misguided illusions regarding the biblical era, and allow myself, my family, and the entire world our collective freedoms to new beginnings.

And so it is. And so it was always intended to be.

– Shyloh Sophia Lauren